When I look at my blog I see my most recent post about Sam Pepper and wonder how long it has been since I actually posted that. And then I realize it has been a year. One year full of inactivity, non-blogginess and so many other things. For a tiny moment I am stunned and try to think of all the other things that had happened since that day I uploaded this blog entry. But was the post actually any good? Well, I can’t tell. It’s probably less worse than this entry is going to end up. But why am I even doing this to myself? I mean, I do like writing. Technically. And I do like reading. Technically. And I like photoshopping pretentious pictures of myself. Techn– no, I actually really do like to look pretty. It’s like medicine for my self-confidence.
But honestly, why am I going through all this trouble of writing about things no one actually cares about? And isn’t it more a pain in the ass to me than anything else??
Since no one is going to read this anyway, I’d rather stay completely honest here. I think the reason is very simple, which doesn’t make it any better: I guess I like the attention or the feeling of actually doing something others could potentially care about. Or I just don’t know what I want to do with my life and hope that someday I can make a living off Blog posts, Chubby-Bunny Videos and Sponsorships. Which is really, really unrealistic, but a nice thought nevertheless.
Sometimes I wonder why Blogs are so popular and why some bloggers are being taken so damn serious. I mean, god, look at me, I’m just sitting in my room and my pajama and writing about things that are on my mind.
I don’t even know what to write about. Sometimes I imagine a lonely, cute idea wandering through the halls of my consciousness and passing by ancient portraits on walls, whose colors have faded to a pale blue and a mindless brown. the idea would look at his ancestors and point a finger towards them and say: “Hey, you weren’t Napoleon, you were just useless.” Or better:” You were NOpoleon, and no one will ever remember you and you will just rot in this dusty useless mind of that girl who thinks she’s so funny and she can make historical jokes on a stupid website no one will ever read, while she’s just so terribly embarrassing.” Yeah, that’s what every idea in my mind thinks, before it shuffles back into its dark coffin next to Edward Cullen and all other glittery vampires. Oh no wait, that’s actually a stupid idea that despite all the warnings tried to escape a stupid mind and well – actually succeeded.
So maybe stupidity does pay off sometimes. Which is exactly why I am writing this blogpost today.
See, I am not a very pessimist person. Actually not at all. I tend to be the sweet nerd that is so ridiculously relatable, that maybe I’d even have a chance on the internet. But well, for that I’d actually have to start doing something. And by doing something I mean like actually DOING SOMETHING. Not just gathering ideas, but actually putting ideas into actions. So, this is why I’ve started learning coding and all that jazz and am trying to create a platform for all my useless ideas. Because please, wherever you are, whoever you are, WHYever you are: me too. I too want to be noticed, I too want to make a difference. I too want to be loved. I too want to have a unicorn. No actually I don’t, but it’s always good to say so, ’cause the internet likes itself some unicorns.
All in all: I want to stop procrastinating, since I actually finally have time to do things.
Oh and to make this post more readable and also more enjoyable I’ll add some cute cat gifs here and there. I hope you don’t mind.
Hugs and Love and all the above.